Thursday, June 9, 2011
Random: Want a Beer ?
So this is what the world has come to!! Men just stand there drinking beer.. while the woman work! You give them a centimeter and they take an inch! Sheesh boys it would be nice to help out sometimes! Do you have a dead beat husband b/f lover or all of the above, let us know how he takes advantage of you !
Picture: Karaoke Anyone?
Friday, June 3, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Little Johnny Joke
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Johnny, a bright Navajo Indian boy, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good! Who said, "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'"
Again, no response except from Little Johnny.
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Little Johnny knows more about history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Indians."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Little Johnny put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared around and asked, "All right!!! Now who said that!?"
Again, Little Johnny said, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Little Johnny jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said,
"You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Little Johnny frantically yells at the top of his voice,
"Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,
"Oh shit, we're screwed!" Little Johnny said quietly, "The American people, November 4, 2008"
Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Johnny, a bright Navajo Indian boy, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good! Who said, "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'"
Again, no response except from Little Johnny.
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Little Johnny knows more about history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Indians."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Little Johnny put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glared around and asked, "All right!!! Now who said that!?"
Again, Little Johnny said, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Little Johnny jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said,
"You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Little Johnny frantically yells at the top of his voice,
"Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,
"Oh shit, we're screwed!" Little Johnny said quietly, "The American people, November 4, 2008"
Behind the Bush
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake.
He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion.
The wife not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures.
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch. Well there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her,
"What in the friggin hell was that?"
She replies, "EYE--LEFT TIT -- BEHIND -- THE BUSH!"
He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion.
The wife not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures.
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch. Well there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her,
"What in the friggin hell was that?"
She replies, "EYE--LEFT TIT -- BEHIND -- THE BUSH!"
The Egg Joke!! Happy Easter !!
A woman was frying eggs for breakfast. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
The Truck Joke!
I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck
Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.
I returned to the dealer yesterday
Because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The service technician explained that the radio was voice
activated.
'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again'
Came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant
' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days,
Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,'
I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light
And nearly creamed my new truck,
But I swerved in time to avoid him.
I yelled, 'Ass Hole!'
Immediately the radio responded with,
Ladies and gentlemen,
The President of The
United States
Damn I love this truck....
Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.
I returned to the dealer yesterday
Because I couldn't get the radio to work.
The service technician explained that the radio was voice
activated.
'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio.
The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again'
Came from the speakers.
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant
' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days,
Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,'
I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light
And nearly creamed my new truck,
But I swerved in time to avoid him.
I yelled, 'Ass Hole!'
Immediately the radio responded with,
Ladies and gentlemen,
The President of The
United States
Damn I love this truck....
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