Random: Want a Beer ?

So this is what the world has come to!! Men just stand there drinking beer.. while the woman work! You give them a centimeter and they take an inch! Sheesh boys it would be nice to help out sometimes! Do you have a dead beat husband b/f lover or all of the above, let us know how he takes advantage of you !

Little Johnny Joke

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Johnny, a bright Navajo Indian boy, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.  

"Very good! Who said, "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'"

Again, no response except from Little Johnny.
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."  
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Little Johnny knows more about history than you do."  
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Indians."  
"Who said that?" she demanded.  
Little Johnny put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862."  

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."  
The teacher glared around and asked, "All right!!! Now who said that!?"  

Again, Little Johnny said, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,1991."  

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Little Johnny jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"  

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said,
"You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."  
Little Johnny frantically yells at the top of his voice,
"Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.."  
The teacher fainted.   And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said,
"Oh shit, we're screwed!"   Little Johnny said quietly, "The American people, November  4, 2008"

Little Johnny

One day Little Billy is at school showing off his new Spiderman watch. 
When Little Johnny spots it he asks, How did you get that watch?
"I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex." explained Billy 
My Dad shouted at me, then later came to apologize and bought me this new watch to say sorry. 
That night Johnny had a plan, he'd stay awake until he heard his Mum and Dad getting down to it and then burst in on them and maybe get a watch for himself. Everything went to plan and as he burst in shouting, I wanna watch!


Go get yourself a chair and be quiet then. replied his Dad.

Funny Joke !!

One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!". help me, there's a bee in my vagina!". The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit"
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina.The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina." The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, yes whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted. The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!"

Funny Joke

So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter I lasted less than a day. about 2 hours in my first day on the job a very ugly loud mean woman cones in yelling and cussing at her 2 kids.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, good morning welcome to Walmart. nice children you have are they twins. The woman stops yelling long enough to say hell no they aren't twins. One is 7 And the other one is 10.

Why would u think their twins? are u blind or just stupid?

So I replied, I'm neither blind or stupid ma'am, I just can't believe anyone would fu** you twice. Have a good day and thank you foe shopping at Walmart.

IPhone Spellcheck Issues!! Funnyy!!

Funny Jokes

A guy was stranded on a desert island alone with supermodel Giselle. Initially, she was not interested in him, so he playedit cool, not making any moves on her for several weeks. Finally, both half mad from being stranded and starved for human contact they began a passionate, animalistic affair. After several months, the guy approached his sexy model and said,“I have a problem… It’s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you afavor.” She replied, “Okay lover,” to which he asked, “Can I borrow your eyebrowpencil?” She looked at him in confusion, but obliged. The guy then asked, “Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache on you?” Giselle was growing worried, but again gave into her partner, so the guy drew a mustache on her. Then the guy said, “Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man.” She was becoming quite upset at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes. Finally, the guy said to her, “Do you mind if I call you Phil?” Giselle had now become very dejected but wanted to keep the peace and was a little curious and said “No, I guess not, you can call me Phil.” So, the guy reached out and grabbed her by the arms and shouted madly but with pride “Phil, dude, I've been fucking Giselle all day, every day,for months! High five buddy!"

10 Working Tips for 2011

1) Do not get into trouble



2) Aim for greater heights



3) Stay focus on your job



4) Exercise to maintain good health



5) Practice Team work



6) Rely on your trusted partner to watch your back



7) Save for rainy days



8) Rest and relax



9) Always smile when your boss is around



10) Nothing is impossible

Rain Barrel Mystery

People living in Colorado Springs wondered why their rain water
barrel was almost empty every day. They set up a couple of cameras and look what they caught on film.

Funny Picture

Funny Picture

Lego Walmart Picture

Who said cleavage isnt for legos!!!!!

Autoshop Class Needed!

Its not rocket science to put a car back together ..LOLOL

Funny or Scary?? -Out with the old in with the new!!

Dude, C’MON!!!! Everybody knows thongs are so last year. It’s all about the half-booty covered panties now, get with it man!

Little Johnny Joke

While out shopping with his mother Little Johnny puts his hand up a mannequin's skirt. His mom smacks his hand and says "Don't do that, there's teeth up there, they'll bite your fingers off". Years later when Little Johnny gets a girlfriend and they start making out she whispers to him "You can put your hand in my pants if you like" He says "No chance, you've got teeth in there that'll bite my fingers off" She replies "Don't be so silly, there's no teeth up there, look" and drops her underwear. "Ha!" said Little Johnny, "I'm not surprised, look at the state of your gums"

Little Johnny Joke

A male teacher asks the classroom what they like. Little Johnny yells from the back of the room "a naked 18 year old girl"!! Teacher: "go home and dont come back without your parents." The next day Johnny comes to school alone and sits in the very back of the classroom. Teacher: "johnny why are you alone and why are you sitting in the back of the classroom?" Little Johnny:" my daddy said if you dont like naked 18 year old girls then your a fag, and i should keep as far away from you as posible."

Little Johnny Joke

Little johnny is having dinner with his parents. His parents asked, "how was school?" Little johnny replied, "it was great, the teacher asked me a question and I finally answered correctly." His parents, shocked and delighted, asked, "what did she ask u?" She asked, "who took a shit next to my desk?"

Funny or Scary??

I almost feel sorry for the bike!!!

Chuck Norris Joke

Chuck doesn’t mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris Joke

Chuck Noris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling Bang.